Far from the real deal

AS Real Madrid confirm that they have paid £56m to AC Milan for the services of Brazilian playmaker Kaka, smashing the world-record transfer fee in the process, one question keeps nagging away; why would he want to sign for a club that makes Newcastle United look stable?

Madrid are a prime example of a club living off past glories, and the fact so many top players want to sign for them is a complete mystery. They change manager more often than Chelsea, and conduct their business affairs in a shoddier manner than one of Alan Sugar’s apprentices. True, they generally finish in the top two in Spain, but that’s akin to saying Rangers usually finish in the top two in Scotland.

They have failed to make any impact in the Champions League for a number of years, and their 5-0 aggregate drubbing at the hands of Liverpool came as no surprise to knowledgeable football fans. That it was closely followed by a 6-2 home defeat by Barcelona merely confirmed their current standing in the European game.

There is certainly no doubting Kaka’s ability, and he may well prove to be a success in La Liga. However, how many players that have moved to the Bernabeu in recent years have taken their game up a level? Arjen Robben, Wesley Sneijder and Ruud Van Nistelrooy have all but disappeared off the radar, and for £56m, the flamboyant no.10 will certainly be expected to buck that trend.

Carlo to win the lot-ti?

CARLO ANCELOTTI takes over as Chelsea manager on July 1, and if he is to win the Premier League title or Champions League in his debut season, some astute transfer business is a must. This is a massive pre-season for the Blues, as their ageing side needs reshaping, and if Roman Abramovich is prepared to back the new boss financially, Chelsea have a great chance of winning one of the major trophies.

The Russian owner was said to have craved Kaka at the Bridge, but there are plenty more fish in the sea. A wide player and another striker are essential, whilst Frank Lampard could certainly do with a creative midfielder alongside him in the middle of the park; Michael Ballack is not the answer, and he should feel very fortunate to have been offered a one-year extension to his contract.

The likes of Ribery, Villa and Pato have been mentioned, and players of that ilk are what Ancelotti needs to take the side up another couple of notches. In terms of sales, Deco, after a bright start, has barely featured, and is set to join Jose Mourinho at Inter Milan, whilst Paulo Ferreira, Ricardo Carvalho, Florent Malouda and Salomon Kalou could all be deemed surplus to requirements.

Whatever happens, the new man at the helm will need to hit the ground running. As Luiz Felipe Scolari will testify, Abramovich is not the most patient of men. Over to you, Carlo.

Nice to have you back, Diego

HE could do things with the ball that others could only dream about and, now, it seems, he can be just as mesmerising with his mouth. Quote of the week comes from one Diego Maradona, the current Argentina manager.

On rumours that he had fallen out with one of his assistants, Sergio Batista: “I don’t know what’s wrong with him, maybe he’s having his period right now…maybe he just needs some attention and a kiss on the mouth.”

At times magical, but infuriating in equal measure, one thing Maradona could never be accused of is being dull.

(Boozed up) Brits abroad

WITH England’s qualification to next summer’s World Cup final’s all but secure, and both Scotland and the Republic of Ireland in strong positions to finish second in their respective groups, the tournament could represent the first time all three nations have competed at a major tournament together since Italia ’90.

Let’s just hope that the pubs in South Africa have ordered enough beer, and the local police force have had enough training….it could get very messy.